i think YOUR pretty odd. yea lame.

and im cool cause i just quoted panic at the disco.

:)

but anyways. A LOT of things have changed.

some for the good some for the bad.

im going to turn 16 in a little over a month

i have a new cat.

amazingly i made some friends in arizona.

i got over my sara problem.

anddd yea.

all i can think of now.

but yea. just saying that a lot of things have changed and that if anyone gives a fuck, i'll be updateing this thing more.

maybe.

idkk.

wellll bye. :)

This is what happens when i read 6 issues of alternative press in 3 hours after 1 1/2 months without reading it at all. :)

 

I'm gonna admit that ive gone through a lot of shit in my life.

You might not think its that bad.

Its not as intense as other peoples experiences

But its still shit people don’t want to go through.

Ive done a lot of dumbass things in my life.

Ive done countless embarrassing and way awkward things in my life.

And I don’t regret anything.

Even now when things are far from being stable and good

And I kick my self everyday for doing these things,

I know in the future I will look back and be embarrassed,

But when I think about it I will be glad I did it.

Even if it was really stupid and stressful.

That experience was apart of my life.

It makes me special.

UNIQUE.

Different.

In a world that everyone is copying everything

Clothes

Music

Whatever

(and I have to admit that I have fallen victim to copying at least a little bit as well but that human nature.)

You only live one life.

Don’t waste your time caring about what people think.

Don’t waste it in front of the tv watching a marathon of your favorite show.

Don’t waste it slouching in front of your computer lurking peoples myspaces and changing your myspace every 2 hours and checking it every 15 minutes to see if you BFFL messaged you back.

Try to change the way the world is heading.

If we keep going on like this everyone will be overweight and you wont be able to walk correctly and you wont be able to hold a functional or educated conversation.

And I know im being a little hypicritical about some of this but im scared.

It would totally bite if that was how the world turned out.

Everythings selling out.

But anyways.

Go outside.

Ride your bike.

Or your scooter whatever you prefer.

Read books.

Take your dog (or cat or fish) for a walk.

Don’t give a shit about what people say or assume what they are thinking.

As long as your happy and comfortable there isn't really anything to worry about.

And don’t waste your life talking shit or spreading it.

It will come back and bite you so hard in the ass that nothing will be left.

is fucked.

 

yea. i need to fix it badly.

 

btw. arizona is stupid. i hate it immensly. i miss san francisco. :(

yea. thats it.

im gonna pull an emo kid and complain about how much my life sucks.

ok. so things were great then my dog ran away. after that i found out that i was officially moving again. but this time i dont want to leave. im moving to fuckin tucson araizona. my friends adn i call it the mysterious beyond like from the land before time. yea. just mentioning this. fuckkk. im gonna miss california.

i realized that in order for me to be organized i have to make lists of everything. how fucking lame is that??? i think im gonna stop posting these. hell. fuck buzznet.

yeeaa. im not a depressed little emo kid anymore. life is fantastic. except for the skanks (like christine hurty) and the dipshits who like to talk shit (like brennan) and yeeaaa. my friends appreciate me and im doing pretty good in school and i have a goal in life. everythings great. how are you???? =D

i am thankful for a lot of things. my old friends for sticking by me and helping me through shit and my new friends for putting up with me and helping me through a lot of issues they arent even aware about. im thankful for such a loving mom and dad even though my dad gets on my nerves a lot. and im thankful for the best gramma in the world. i just wish i could of spent more time with her when i was little. im thankful for my dog and all the nice things i have like ipod and internet and cell phones. im thankful to all the people who believe i can do anything and push me to do good in school and support me in school and stuff. im thankful for all the people who do good for the world and im thankful for love. love is the best thing ever. yea. i love you.

like anyone truly cares but im going to update some stuff. im to lazy to do it now though. anywho. i see a boyfriend in the near future for me. :) ill give the details later. its a pretty nifty story actually. staytuned bitches. oh yea. im 15!!! yeeaaa.

fuck everything.

a best friend. anyone want to be mine?

i just realized that. huh. weird. oh well this whole journal thing on here helps.

ok well for the past about 2 years or so i have basically refused to like anyone. to much confusion and stress and everything. thats my problem. the reason i was like that was because this one guy i liked for about 4 years didnt like me back and was a real dick to me. so after that i decided to be independant and different. i kept telling myslef this when i was in the shadow of my friend. shes always been the perfect girl. nice, funny, athletic, smart, gorgeous. while i on the other hand was nice, shy, funny, awkward, stupid and not the prettiest but pretty ok. guys never liked me like they liked her. i was just their friend. and i hid the fact that i was lonely and depressed behind the confident, perky amanda.

 well when i started at this new school in a new place with waaay different people i could reinvent myself. i dont really think i did. but i did become the real amanda. sometimes i get a bit unsure about myself but i dont know. well of coarse i think a lot of the dudes at my school are hott. well theres this one guy who i thought was really good looking. cool hair cool clothes and he seemed really chill. so i liked him. well the other day he started talking to me. all that i had assumed was correct. hes rad. we have a lot in common and i dont want to like him because i just want to be his friend. but its really hard because you cant just force yourself to stop likeing someone. i also figured out that i dont like the feeling of likeing someone. but whatever. i dont really know what im talking about. but i think that the main thing is that im lonely. i dont have a best friend that i can go to anymore. the girl that i was so jealous of and everything was my best friend. i told her everything almost. but shes a bitch now. she doesnt want to be my friend anymore. i can tell. shes just being nice and talkes to me sometimes. oh well. i was planning on telling her about all the pain she has caused me to have.

I NEED A 6796959458347503450380950837458967348042579034 HUGS.

i feel like total shit. i want to kill myself. buit i wont. im to much of a pansy to do it. i dont see my life going anywhere. no where at all. i sound really fucked up when i say that my therapist told me that with this much stress in my life im in danger of depression. i just got over depression not to long ago adn now its back. maybe some other time ill talk about all my problems. i dont know. i give up.

the paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings,
but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints;
we spend more, but have less;
we buy more, but enjoy it less.

we have bigger houses and smaller families;
more conveniences, but less time;
we have more degrees, but less sense;
more knowledge, but less judgment;
more experts, but more problems;
more medicine, but less wellness.

we drink too much, smoke too much, spend time too recklessly, laugh too little,
drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up to late, get up too tired,
read too seldom, ... and pray too seldom.

we have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
we talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
we've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
we've added years to life, not life to years.

we've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
we've conquered outer sapce, but not inner space;
we've done larger things, but not better things.

we've cleaned up the air, but poluted the soul;
we've split the atom, but not our prejudice;
we write more, but learn less;
we plan more, but accomplish less.

we've learned to rush, but not wait;
we have higher incomes, but lower morals;
we have more food, but less appeasement;
we build more computers to hold more information
to produce more copies than ever, but less communication;
we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.

these are the times of fast foods and slow digestion;
tall men and short character;
steep profits, and shallow relationships.
these are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare;
more leisure, but less fun;
more kinds of food, but less nutrition.

these are days of two incomes, but more divorce;
of fancier houses, but broken homes.

these are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers, ...
overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet ...

it is a time when there is so much in the show window
and nothing in the stockroom;
a time when technology can bring this letter to you,
and a time when you can choose
either to make a difference,
or to just hit delete ...

gotta love it. i do. a lot. good chicago style pizza. yumm. its just lovely. i saw a trollop today. if you dont know what a trollop is look it up at dictionary.com. its interesting. hah. mmhmmm.

i am going to make a different buzznet. i dont know why but i kinda feel like it.

i was really looking forward to going to that concert this evening. but no. sara being the WONDERFUL friend she is decided to tell me last week that she couldnt go even thought she knew she couldnt waay before. so i asked like 15 other people if they could go and they all sadi they couldnt. so thank you sara for making me cry and feel like shit when i never cry ever. fuck.

pissed. off.

do people have to be mean. i mean with britney spears and audrey kitching and all those other people. i really just want to ask every single one "What the fuck did they do to you?"

how many people really hate drama? i hate it. i dont see any point in hurting peoples feelings and shit just because of the way they dress or act. i asked 3 of my very good friends if there was drama at the school they go to. lets just say that their names are...shaun, cara, and betsy. well i asked betsy first. she said that there wasnt any drama at all. then i asked cara. she said theres a shit load of drama going on. then came shaun, he said that there wasnt any.

now cara is in the popularish group. they gossip and do that shit a lot. shaun kind of is too but he doesnt have those problems. betsy isnt popular. shes normal. she, like me doesnt give a fuck about what people think.

i dont really remember what the last paragraph was poing to lead to but uhmmm...

anyways, i dont really see any point in talking shit about people and calling them bad names and stuff. i have done that before and i feel bad about it. so yea. im done.

i have a fucking bug bite on my eyelid. and i thought that it was my new mascara. fuuck it hurts.